Prem Baba-that means love

When I first came to Haidakhan in December1985,I didn’t know anything about the place and Babaji, all I had was the adress and the wish to go and live in an ashram and the vision of shiva which fascinated and attracked me.

In Haldwani a young indian came to me and asked me to come to his fathers shop and if I wanted to go to Haidakhan. I was young and alone with my daughter and many times I had to defend us from Indians ,who wanted to I don’t know what, so I refused and took the bus to damside,wakked down the riverbed and arrived …seeing a lot of western people with no hair carrying stones on their heads.

Oh, really I was shocked and had inside imagines of a concentration camp with mindwashing ,got a.I went up ,got two beds in a big room for me and my daughter(5 years) and then I started to try to understand, where I am??? I was quiet a hippy-stile young women(25) and then I went to the chaishop, on the way I saw an old indian baba sitting in a room and he looked at me and asked: chillum??

I immediately liked his face, his eyes who looked at me with a sweet and joking expression and so I came in his room,there were already some other people I didn’t know. So he closed the door and then he made a chillum and started to repeat many names of god and then enlightened it. After smoking he started to sing a bhajan sri ram jai ram jai jai ram and slowly one after the other we sang together with him for an endless time and then it was time to go to bed.

After some days Christmas started and I understood that I had refused to see Muniraji, the Guru in that time, I understood that Babaji has left not even 2 years before I arrived. Then also Shastriji came for the Christmas celebration.

On the second day of Christmas, the kirtan hall was full with people ,Indians and westerners, during the bhajans I had a very strong feeling of pain in my heart, it seemed to me to feel in one moment the whole pain of the world and tears ran out of my eyes ,I couldn’t stop then, so I feeled ashame and ran out to be with myself allowing the tears to flow.

Suddenly Prem Baba stood in front of me, he took me in his arms and softly softly allowed me to cry and I felt his prem ,his love and I felt safe and became quiet. It was remembering me so much my grandpa, who gave me that feeling to be safe when I was a child without a father. After I had many other beautifull moments with Prem,where he showed me his unconditional love and his absolute devotion for god.

Prem Baba rarely spoke two words in English, but he spoke a language directly to the heart ,he spoke constantly about the divine and for me he was my first Baba in Haidakhan who kept me going on ,helping me in difficult moments. Another first point in Haidakhan  was the mahashakti-dhuni and the presence and bhajans with Harigovind Baba. Moments where I felt like in heaven, singing all night at the holy fire. In the day the karma yoga with the other devotees was quiet heavy for me, although to find a way between being mother and making karma yoga, so I was sent to the kitchen. Every day Prem Baba came to control that we were singing bhajans, if we where having smalltalk, he got angry, bhajan karo!

Thanks to Prem Baba and to Harigovind Baba at the dhuni I slowly felt in love with Haidakhan, Babaji, …Shastriji,…Muniraji…Bhole Babaki jai